I can't even THINK. I'm trying SO HARD and I can't, I just keep drifting back to "how am I going to fix this?" I talked to Ken, and I could always chance it and try to forgive/forget. This is probably just misplaced energy, from missing Brian and still being upset that we're not friends anymore, but I hate losing friends and I'm tired of it and I'll negotiate and be flexible and compromise to a reasonable degree in order to keep them. I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. This is absurd how many times I've updated in the last week or so. I never do this! The obvious reason is that I need an outlet. I guess I'm kind of working through this on my own and I'm pretty sure that I've already made my decision, but I still have to work through it and make sure that it's what I want to do. Arggg.

This is absurd. People don't have this effect on me, ever. Stop it, go away, I want to remain being the cute bubbly girl that doesn't really get affected by people like this. I've lost friends before, even people I considered best friends, and I didn't feel like this. I was sad, sure, but I accepted it as a part of life and moved on. What is wrong with me?

I know what's wrong with me. It's the estrogen. It's the goddamn estrogen. I'm being a girl, and letting my stupid boy-craziness get a hold of my mind. Ba! What happened to Battlepixie? Where did I go? I was angry and annoyed just a couple of days ago! Was it even that long ago? I feel like this some sort of ridiculous tornado ripping through my mind, and the winds are just carrying me along at an outrageous speed without any signs of letting up. I don't even know how I'm managing to keep appearances up and appearing outwardly normal to people at school. The only outward appearnce is that I'm fidgeting way more, or that I'm spacing out a lot during conversations. BA! BA! STUPID BOYS! WHY DOES SEX RUIN EVERYTHING?!?!?!?! STUPID ESTROGEN! You know what the problem is? That I have too much estrogen, and he doesn't have enough. If he had more estrogen, he'd be less inclined to think with his penis and more inclined to think with his brain, and we wouldn't be IN this situation in the first place. DAMN SEX! BOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ok, now I'm going crazy.