Question existing

I was reading the forums over at 20-Something Bloggers and came across a thread where people talk about what they hate about blogs, and it made me start wondering about MY blog - not in the sense that I'm offended or upset or anything, just in the sense of "who am I?" So I guess it was helpful in a way.

A few things they said they hated: long posts, posts about weight loss, posts about relationships, sad posts, happy posts, things that are too personal or not personal enough, posts that are insincere, etc.

Things my blog is so far: long posts, posts about weight loss, posts about relationships, ranty posts, happy posts.

I'm not sure if I'm too personal or not personal enough. I don't really know how to strike the right balance, and I don't really know if the real 'me' comes across through this. I know I'm long-winded, and I tend to get off track, and my point gets lost along the way. Maybe it's because I write TOO much? I don't really know.

I do know what I WANT to be: funny, inspiring, touching, someone people can relate to, articulate. I don't know if I can be those things; I can be ME, but I don't know how that comes across to people. At the same time, this blog is primarily for me, so does it matter how it comes across to others? Yes and no, in that it's for me, but I also sort of want to build a community. Not a big community, I just want friends. I've come across some awesome people out there - not a ton, because I don't prowl the blog world for new blogs to read - but they're people whom I feel like I've gotten to know, even if we don't talk, and it would be awesome if I could get on their radar and we could become bloggy friends. Not for comments, because I don't really care about that (I mean, yes, it's exciting when I get them), but just for...I don't know, a connection! Does that make sense?

This has gotten long again. Oh, silly me. Well, here's to being me, at least. I'm not trying to hide myself or who I am; I guess I'm just trying to figure out WHO I am while trying to find my blogging voice.

Driving is the opposite of exercise

I was driving to work this morning and got stuck behind some awful PA driver who didn't realize that the left lane is the FAST lane, so I'd accelerate because he would, and then all of a sudden he'd slow down so I'd have to too, it was SO ANNOYING.

But that's besides the point. While I was doing that I realized that driving a car is like, the ultimate laziness. I mean, yeah, it's necessary, especially in New Jersey where there's like no public transportation whatsoever, and things are so far away that it's kind of hard to use a bike (maybe I'd ride a bike to work when it's nice out, but it's still way too cold right now BOO). But...think about it. If you want to go faster, instead of working harder like you would if you were running or swimming or biking, you...simply flex your foot a little. An inch down and all of a sudden you're moving really fast. Want to go slower? No problem, you don't have to change your effort at all - just let your foot relax upwards. Instant reduction in speed!

I don't really have a point, I just realized how driving is like the exact opposite of doing anything healthy or good for you. For some reason that amused me, so...here you have it, a blog post about absolutely nothing! hahaha...I'm in such a weird mood today.

just a thought

Haha so I just realized that my posts have become primarily about weight loss. Is that my thing? Possibly. I hope not! I like think that I have more going on than my struggle with my body. Hmmm...we'll see!

Oh thank god!

Ok, so my last post was about feeling frustrated and not understanding why I was putting on weight despite the fact that I was eating properly and exercising. I found an article that may have shed a little light on it. I don't like the answer, but if that's what it is, I prefer this to me actually having gained real weight.

The most relevant part of the article:

"If you remember, your body’s source of energy comes from glucose. Carbohydrates are broken down into glucose, the glucose is used to make energy, and your body performs how it needs to. Well, your body also has a “reserve tank” for excess glucose. Instead of storing all the excess glucose as fat, your body stores some of the excess glucose in an easier form to break down for energy; it’s called glycogen. Glycogen is long chains of glucose molecules that are stored in our muscles and liver.

Working out too intensely can cause muscle tears to become overly inflamed to the point where the mini-tears start to swell with fluid.
Your body adapts to how much glycogen it needs to store in order to have enough “energy” on stand-by for when your blood sugar starts to drop because there isn’t enough glucose in the bloodstream from the food you last ate. When we start to exercise, our bodies require more energy and become more efficient at getting that energy, so as a result, our bodies start to store more glycogen. Here’s the kicker. For every gram of glycogen stored, approximately 3 grams of water are stored with it. This means that now your body has a larger amount of water and glycogen stored in the muscles and liver, and as a result, your body weight can go up by a few lbs.

Picture a piece of bread or pasta noodle. What happens when you put them in water? They’re like sponges. They soak up the water and expand. The same can be said with glycogen. Glycogen is a carb, and it sucks up water just like any other carb.

Here’s another culprit. If you go from not working out to working out very hard, your muscles will most likely be sore for the next 2 or 3 days. This is because when you work out, you essentially create mini-tears in your muscles. Working out too intensely can cause these tears to become overly inflamed to the point where the mini-tears start to swell with fluid. This excess fluid in the muscles can cause an initial, excess weight gain. By starting out an exercise program slowly and working your way up, you reduce the likelihood of tearing your muscles too much. To some extent, though, muscle soreness will occur when you first start exercising, but the amount of soreness and inflammation can be controlled by gradually working into a fitness program."

So, that makes me feel a lot better. Hopefully that's what's going on with me, and I can overcome it soon enough. For the full the article, go here: I've Started Working Out; Why am I Still Gaining Weight? by Dan Falkenberg.

I got some great advice, too, about just working hard, making good choices and changes, and focusing on the changes in my body rather than the number on the scale. I think that I'm really going to take that to heart; I'm still going to take part in the challenge, but I'm going to try to stop focusing so much on the number.

BMR, weight loss, general frustrations

So, I understand the mechanics of weight loss. Calories in must be less than calories burned. 3500 calories = 1 pound. To lose 1 pound a week there must be a deficit of 3500 calories each week, whether you achieve it by exercising more or eating less or a combination of the two. And in order to accurately gauge what you can take in each day or what you have to burn each day to get to that point, you have to know your BMR. I GET it.

What I don't get is...how do I calculate my BMR? Some calculators tell me I burn 1500 calories a day; some tell me I burn 2400 a day. I'm more inclined to go with the 1500 value because after all the years of torturing it, my metabolism is really slow and I find 2400 to be a really unrealistic number, given that I don't weigh THAT much. But then...to lose a single pound a week, I'd have to have a deficit of, on average, 500 calories a day. Which puts me at 1000 a day. Totally doable, I really have no problem with it - and that's what's suggested at Ash is Fit, but I feel like that value is a crazy in-between, where it's too much and too little for weight loss. You're getting just enough not to starve to death, but just little enough that your body potentially goes into starvation mode and holds on to those calories, regardless of deficit.

Is my assessment of this right? I mean...seriously, I don't know what to do. Eating 1200 a day and doing cardio (pure cardio, as I put on muscle really quickly and wanted to see how the weight would go) daily to burn 200 calories a day for a week led to a weight gain of 1.4 pounds. This week I've reduced cals to 1150 and upped my calorie burn to 250, so I'll technically be at 900 intake overall, which is a deficit of 4200...but I feel even worse than I did last week. I don't really know if I'm going to lose this week at all; I actually feel like I'm going to gain. I weigh myself daily just to see what direction I'm headed in, and it looks like I'm still headed up. I just...don't understand.

So..............where do I go? What do I do? Up, down? I've had success with 500 calories a day and doing cardio + strength training. I've had success up to 700 calories a day. But I am honest to god trying to be healthy this time around, and it doesn't seem to be working. It's like a crazy vicious (viscsious?? visious??) cycle. So where do I go from here??

Roar!