I think I can I think I can

So I've started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Though I hate hate HATE some of the stuff she makes me do (jump rope..it kills my shins!!!! and the squat with a front raise...hurts!!!), I push through and am managing to finish it each time. I like that it's only 20 minutes long; even though it's shorter than my usual gym workouts, it makes me work harder and sweat more than when I go to the gym, so I foresee positive results. At least, I hope so. I think I'm going to try to do it twice a day if I can, to up the results.

I guess I'm just not really sure what works anymore. I started regular exercise again one week, and wasn't losing weight, so a week later I started eating well, making healthy changes in my diet, etc. The problem is that the day I started eating healthily and in good moderation actually marks the day where I started getting bloated and gaining weight. I don't even know how it's possible; at first I thought it was muscle gain, but then it kept happening slowly and steadily, and now I'm up 4 pounds from when I first started exercising, and my measurements have gone up.

So, it's stressful. I'm trying really hard to just keep my head down and push through this, because eventually, EVENTUALLY doing all this exercising and staying away from processed, refined sugars, drinking lots of water, and sticking to fresh fruits and vegetables and lean proteins and whole grains HAS to do something positive, right? In the past if I don't haven't seen results by this time, I usually stop and fall into a depression and have no idea what to do. This time, I'm focusing on just...getting through it. It's hard to not throw myself out the window, or to just fall on the floor crying every time I step on the scale. It's hard making myself pull my gym clothes on and actually working out. It's hard making myself eat.

But I have faith in myself. I can do this, the right way, the healthy way. I WILL do this.